Emotional intelligence, moral intelligence & body intelligence
You know your IQ, but what about EQ, MQ and BQ?
I happened upon this article at Daily Good and it got me thinking about the importance of intelligence in the world of online dating. To me, this makes perfect sense and I do actually agree with the author on so many points. Basically, what he says is that in order to be successful in life, you don’t need to have a high IQ – you need to have the whole package of EQ, MQ and BQ (that is emotional intelligence, moral intelligence and body intelligence). Even though the author of the article speaks of these three different dimensions of intelligence in accordance to how successful you could be in business and professional life, I think that it is even more relevant when it comes down to dating and finding that right person. The latter three types of intelligence might be much important than IQ ever could be!
Now, we all know what IQ stands for and how it is measured. We also know that people with a high IQ might be interesting to talk to and have an abundant source of knowledge and information but they might not necessarily be the most pleasant or fun people to spend your time with. And sometimes people like that aren’t even that successful in their professional lives. It shows you that all the wisdom and intelligence in the world cannot be replaced by what’s inside your heart and how other people feel themselves when they’re around you. And that is where the other sides of your intelligence come to play a crucial role. What’s even more important – while we can only do so much about our IQ levels, we can develop and tune the other bits of our intelligence to make them work in perfect harmony and to balance our personalities out to how we’d like to be.
So what is it that we’re talking about in terms of EQ, MQ and BQ?
First, emotional intelligence is probably the most well known of these three types. It deals with sentiments, feelings and empathy – knowing what you’re feelings are like and trying to understand and perceive the emotions of other people around you. It deals with managing these feelings, keeping them under control as well as letting them show in appropriate situations. It’s got a lot to do with how you perceive the world around you – it’s about recognising the emotions from facial expressions, tones of voice, photos, works of art etc. It’s also about rational thinking and not letting things get out of your control by keeping your emotions or mood changes under control.
Emotions aren’t static, neatly outlined experiences – they’re alive and evolving elaborate clusters of feelings and they can bring about extremely complicated relationships or situations. A person with a high EQ is able to fine tune their perception to recognise the differences between emotions that might initially appear quite similar. He or she can keep tabs on the emotions of themselves as well as other people in order to achieve a clear and rational result. They are socially aware as well as self aware and they don’t let their feelings get a hold over them. They are great at problem solving and conflict management and highly reliable. Therefore, even when we are talking about emotions, it also has everything to do with rational thinking and common sense.
Moral intelligence is perhaps an expression that we haven’t heard so much in everyday life yet it is probably something that most people inherently know better or use more than emotional intelligence. After all, it is hard to control your emotions and even harder to perceive and manage other people’s feelings but moral decisions are something that come naturally to us. We all have lived and during that life we have already developed some kind of values that we hold dear and that we would like to apply to either to ourselves or those close to us.
And that is what moral intelligence is all about. It’s about knowing right from wrong – as simple as that. It’s not just about the way we behave but also about the way we treat other people – those strangers to us as well as those close to us. It’s about the things we say, and how we say them. Note here – this doesn’t have to be attached closely to emotional intelligence. Of course, it helps to have a high EQ as well as MQ, but high MQ can be achieved without having a very high EQ – you just have to know what values are considered to be “right” among the people around you.
Even though that sounds a bit manipulative, MQ is actually all about the things that are in your heart – conscience, tolerance, kindness, respect, self-control, empathy and fairness. It’s about sympathy, about your abilities to forgive. People who are considered to be “bitter” usually have some kind of an issue with their moral intelligence rather than emotional – they feel detached. Their emotions might all be perceived rightly and kept under control, but they cannot find a way to find acceptance and forgiveness. When it comes to relationships, I think it is probably the most important part of your intelligence package. Yes, managing your emotions is crucial, but it’s the way your values place them into context rather than the way you grade them or perceive them that matters.
And lastly, body intelligence. That is something that is becoming increasingly more important in the world and in my opinion online dating plays an important role here. Body intelligence deals with the way we value our bodies and take care of them. It’s about all the health issues as well as exercise and proper nutrition. It’s about how well we listen to what our body wants and needs. There are two sides to this story – obviously in the western world where nearly half of the population is overweight, there seems to be a serious issue with listening to your body. At the same time, it is your body that one needs to listen to, not what the media or advertising is trying to tell us about body image.
You might wonder why this has been separated from IQ – after all, intelligent people know that junk food makes us fat and that proper exercise and good sleep are vital to us – but it’s not all about knowing, but also about the way it makes us feel. Body intelligence has an impact on your self-confidence as well as your love for yourself. Therefore it’s an important part of us, of the “true self” inside us.
That’s the three types of intelligence there are in addition to IQ. I think it doesn’t hurt to pay attention to these in the context of online dating as well as in the whole self-development context.
About the Author
Aet Suvari has been reviewing and writing about the world of online dating since 2008 and the launch of Online Dating Help. A stickler for promoting ethical practices within the UK dating industry she champions the sites that get it right while highlighting those holding it back. You can follow her on Google+
