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Last updated on October 18, 2013 | by Aet Suvari


Should you reply to every email message on a dating site?

We’ve covered the subject of how to send the first email but there’s another pressing question concerning emails and online dating sites: should we reply to every single email we receive, even when we are sure we’re not in the least interested in the sender?

It’s a tricky question and there’s no easy answer. We know how uncomfortable this can make you when you receive a message which you don’t really see any point replying to… but at the same time you get that nagging feeling inside: should I have replied?

The best advice we can give you is this:

1) How much time do you have to spend on online dating? If you’re immensely popular and get dozens of emails every day, it’s only logical you won’t have time to reply to all of them, especially as you are most probably not interested in meeting most of the people who have contacted you in real life. You could however put a little note on your page, saying something along the lines of: Due to limited time I spend online I might not get around to replying to every message I get. However, should the message be intriguing enough I could be persuaded to reply more quickly…

2) What are your own expectations? If you expect to get a reply to every single email you send out, it’s only fair that you get back to every person who has written to you too. If you’re not interested in the prospect of dating them you can send a polite note to tell them you’re too busy / already talking to someone on the dating site / deciding to follow a different path or even not feeling the chemistry.

3) What kind of an email is it? If you see that someone has put in a lot of effort and has sent you a really nice email, I think it’s not much to ask for a decent reply – even if it is a kind and considerate rejection letter. However, there’ll be no bad karma haunting you if you don’t get back to brief and pointless mails that run along the lines of: Hi, how are you, want to meet up?


We know that it sometimes seems impossible to reply to all the emails you get. Use your common sense in replying, you can figure out pretty quickly how serious the intentions of the sender are when they wrote the message. It doesn’t hurt to keep an open mind though – sometimes you might discover a true unpolished diamond when you give someone a chance. Many online dating success-stories are based on luck. On saying the right thing at the right moment. On replying to someone who maybe didn’t seem that promising at first sight. We encourage you to give it a try – you might be pleasantly surprised.

A quick note, if you decide to write a polite ‘thanks but no thanks’ reply to someone and they reply back in an offended way then just block them right away – it’s their problem and not yours.


About the Author

has been reviewing and writing about the world of online dating since 2008 and the launch of Online Dating Help. A stickler for promoting ethical practices within the UK dating industry she champions the sites that get it right while highlighting those holding it back. You can follow her on Google+

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