If you see her, say hello

I had to borrow the headline from Bob Dylan, although this is by no means advice only meant for guys – it can just as well read: if you see him, say hello.

I’m still sometimes surprised by how many online daters don’t actually actively date at all. They sign up on a dating site, create a profile and leave it at that. Perhaps they make one or two attempts to send out emails, perhaps they chat occasionally but somewhere along the way a few setbacks put them off active duty and they become passive members, just waiting for love to miraculously strike them.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not judging anyone. I understand that people don’t often always have the time or energy to invest in searching, sending out emails, trying to establish a contact and go out on some dates. I also understand how a few failed attempts can be a blow to your confidence. Besides, why should you interact and date lots of people if all you’re looking for is just the One?

Well, first of all – making active use of your membership on an online dating site means you’re practically taking your happiness in your own hands. You’re no longer just waiting for your profile to be noticed, for your photos to catch someone’s eye. Instead you’re making the decisions. Confidence and determination can take you far in matters of the heart.

Secondly, only you can know what it is that you’re really trying to find. It might be a very specific trait that you want in your date – height, food preferences, music taste. Or it might be purely physical. Or you might feel that click with someone when you read their profile. That person might be somewhere right there and yet you two might never meet. It’s worth your while to put in some effort to find each other.

Third, if you’re the one searching for the dates and initiating contact then you’re also the person who’s in control over that situation. You’re the one who knows what (s)he wants, is not afraid to go after it and people like that usually tend to get what they want. I don’t by any means encourage you to be pushy and annoying but if you’re the one driving the interaction it gives you the opportunity to decide what it is that you want from it – just a chat online or a real date. The other person will be one step behind you.

So why not be the maker of your own happiness? There’s no need to feel awkward and nervous about approaching someone online. The absolute worst thing that can happen is that you won’t get a reply and even that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not liked. All you can do is move on and try your luck elsewhere – and if you follow eHarmony’s 4 rules of dating you’ve got nothing to lose at all.

About the Author

Aet Suvari has been reviewing and writing about the world of online dating since 2008 and the launch of Online Dating Help. A stickler for promoting ethical practices within the UK dating industry she champions the sites that get it right while highlighting those holding it back. You can follow her on Google+